Monday, November 24, 2014

Becoming the Champion of Knitting

I have a tendency to get notions. Most of these notions come out of nowhere, just an idea, and then suddenly I throw myself at that idea. Without warning anyone. I simply decide that I think something is possible, therefore it will be so. In other words, I'm a bit stupid. When I was about nine years old I decided I was going to become the knitting champion of the world.
It didn't matter that I had never knitted before. I was sure that I would be the best.
I mostly decided on knitting, because everyone was always going on about how good the other girl in my class was at it. She was forever clicking her needles and casting off beautiful scarves. I decided to scope out the competition.
After listening to her speech about how much she loved to knit things for others, I decided she was a fake. I also decided that my knitting success would cause her to be forgotten forever more.
I knitted for all I was worth. I did not even know what it was I was knitting.
It soon became clear that I needed a goal. Knitting to take over the world was not enough. I needed a smaller temporary thing to focus on.
That didn't work either.
I had to tell someone my plans, that way it would be easier to keep going. So I told me father of my plans to knit him a hat.
I was incensed.
We had to bring our knitting to school. I was too embarrassed to take mine out as it was not quite at extravagant as I had wanted it to be. So I spent the class glaring at our prized knitter and contemplating ways to steal her work.
But the teacher insisted that I join the class activity. So I knitted along with the best of them.
This obviously didn't last long. There is nothing more soul destroying than knitting.
Knitting soon took over my life. I spent my evenings trying to make my dad's hat, knowing that queen knitter was visiting her granny, bestowing countless scarves upon her.
It became clear that this was one battle I would never win.
But then I had a notion.
I would knit more than anyone else, I'd just knit super tiny things so it wouldn't take ages.



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