When a Two Year Old Falls Madly in Unrequited Love

My little sister was pretty adorable when she was small. By small I mean two. At about that age she was fairly convinced of her own cute-factor and used it to her advantage.

She became a bit of a love-crazed lunatic. She fell in love on a daily basis and latched onto her victim, with or without their encouragement.

 For the most part people didn't mind too much, it was cute, she was after all just a very enthusiastic baby. She never seemed to notice rejection or perhaps she didn't believe in it. She also didn't exercise discrimination or notice social cues. Pretty much anyone would do, however hostile. 

She had a one track mind and when she saw someone she loved this was always what happened. 

Then came the one person she wanted to notice her, but didn't. My parents hired a builder to put up an extension and he basically stepped all over my little sisters fawning. He seemed completely oblivious to her two year old advances.

She was not one to give up. She decided to make him notice. She started playing with cement.

She built little stone walls out of rocks to impress him. 

And then she took things too far. She scaled a ladder in her attempts to follow him.

My mother had to keep her indoors when the builder was over. She was no longer allowed to pursue the love of her life. Needless to say she was distraught. 

It wasn't long before she found her next victim though and it was mutual. He was a Galway hurler visiting with some trophy the team won and he put her in the trophy for a photo op. All thoughts of my sister's builder paled in comparison to her first taste of being a trophy wife. 

Love Works Like This According to the Movies

1. As long as you are beautiful, but not the most beautiful person in the scenario…you will get the guy. This simply means that a strategically gorgeous tall enemy will only heighten your chances of finding Mr. Right, provided that the only thing between you and becoming a super-model is your height.

 2. If a man holds a door for you act stroppy and independent and slam it in his face for good measure. It’s the power-women that find their softer side that get the guy.

3. The guy you hate on sight. He’s the one. 

4. Gay-best-friends are generally undercover straight-men trying to marry you.

5. If there are not enough weird and wacky "coincidences" then this is not true love. It can’t be easy, it must be serendipitous.

6. Beautiful men will eat your heart for breakfast and someone else’s for lunch.

7. Secretaries seem to sleep with everyone.

8. You must do something really awful to people you think you love. This way you test whether or not they will love you despite the fact that you got them fired, kidnapped their baby or called their mother a whore.

9. You should be really clumsy around guys you are trying to impress. This will result in lots of embarrassing situations that will magically make him fall in love with you. What’s more attractive than finding your future wife face down in the fish-display? Am I right?

10. All confusion and sadness is cured by sitting on park benches where you once spent time with the person in question. Here you will experience a series of touching flashbacks that will make your next step obvious.